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| BEFORE 272lbs BMI 60.2 |
LET me apologize for this Blog being longer than I planned... I just needed/need to get this out of my system... I hope it keeps your interest?
Around 2am this morning I became overwhelmingly PISSED OFF!!! Angry is more like it... (or does pissed off automatically imply a level of anger? Something I have to Wikipedia to make sure of...lol). Anyway... I was so angry that I sat down and posted my "first" Blog... scratching just the surface of a topic that has been in my spirit to share for a little over three years now. (First...To my youngest son Joshua... I did it... thanks for listening, never judging [but understanding] and for asking questions instead of assuming... love you!)
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| NOW 158lbs BMI 26.5 |
I have to confess... I truly pictured and wanted my first Blog to be somewhat different from what and how I had posted it this morning. It was to be well thought out, grammatically correct and structured, basically the way I have been "Blogging" in my notebook. Yes... I did say notebook... a good ole fashion journal made from real paper/trees... putting pen to paper whenever a Blog topic about my continued journey and oftentimes struggle with maintaining good health, fitness, self-love and happiness would arise within me. It was my intent when I first started my Blog... to share my story from the beginning. But that WILL come later...
Because I came to the realization after posting my first Blog, that Blogging [or as I like to say...sharing my testimony] was/is no different from the first time I finally decided to make the commitment to become HEALTHY: Physically, Mentally, Spiritually and Emotionally... there was NEVER going to be a perfect time or perfect way to begin that/this journey (any journey, new idea or dream for that matter). Truth is... I had to just (as cliche as it will sound) Just DO IT... in this case Just SHARE IT! I wish I had listened to my eldest son Macario who ALWAYS had/has the natural ability to move forward with an idea (even if he had/has his own struggles or demons that may have caused/causes him doubt) If I brought an idea to him... he'd think for a minute... give a few short suggestions and say "Mom... JUST DO IT!". (I love and appreciate you Mac!!!)
So what sparked this anger and took my Blogging off paper onto the internet?
Well for the pass couple of months [for whatever reason] I have been in-tuned...consciously and subconsciously [I believe] with the fact that there is so much physical, mental and emotional sickness and some form of addiction in the world. I know... nothing new to report... but for the entire day yesterday 1/4/2011... this consciousness was undeniable!!! Whether I was preparing my breakfast, getting ready for work, on the bus listening to the FM station on my Mp3 player (yeah-yeah-yeah I haven't figured out how to transfer my play-lists yet, ugh), or went into a store to get a bottle of cranberry juice, etc. I kid you not... I must have seen, heard or witnessed over two DOZEN ads, commercials and conversations about weight loss resolutions and gimmicks; anti-depressants, and fast food deals... you know the ones I'm talking about?
The ones that go something like this:
"Drink 3 shakes a day and eat 1 "well" balanced meal and get "skinny FAST"! THEN... I not only... saw...but heard people talking about this ad... if you "Buy 1 fried chicken "clog my already clogged arteries" sandwich you get another one FREE... or... buy 12 pieces of the spinach eating man's fried chicken and get 6 apple pies FREE... what the heck? Then I saw the commercial of the once... close to 300lb Dream Girl go from a size 20+ to a size 4 in a JUST a few months (LESS then a YEAR'S TIME) with no physical after-mass... she has smooth skin... no visible stretch marks... flat abs, perfect fitting clothes... admits "NOT having done" ANY WORKOUT REGIMENTS what so ever... BUT oh... is now-now she's 100% in control. I hope you're seeing where I'm headed? But I'm not finished... Then immediately following that POINTS counting commercial... came... the anti-depressant ads... (plural) that went something like this: "If you're feeling blue more than 3 times throughout the day and life brings you "no joy" and you've LOST interest in things and in people... just take this hard to pronounce medication... but REMEMBER... side effects can be and are not limited to... sudden outbursts, suicidal thoughts, seizures, bloating, gas, hair loss... oh and sudden death... what the F?
It was after this long day of unwanted solicited "health" and food "awareness", that I came in from work...(it was around 11:30pm) I sat down to have a late-late night meal... which consisted of curry chicken, white rice and a salad and a glass of red wine... (Oh... yeah... I still indulge... and sometimes late at night due to my schedule...and mood... BUT... that's a whole other Blog topic, that you need to look for in the upcoming weeks) anywho...
I turned on the television... flipped through the channels... and came across the "straw that finally broke my silence"... it was one of those "reality" shows about a morbidly obese women who was NOW working with a personal trainer to "help and support" her through and with her weight, fitness and food issues. But... who was more like her personal drill sergeant, judge and jury... guaranteeing her weight loss results if she would finally... JUST... become serious and listened to, and did everything she (this trainer) instructed her to do... and took heed to her (this trainer's) judgment call on how irresponsible she was for allowing herself to become so big, unhealthy and unfit.
At their first meeting... her trainer began to tell her how badly her eating and fitness habits were... and how she really NEEDED to take responsibility for her health and fitness... or she was going to DIE. As I Blog... and replay the episode in my mind... I find myself thinking "NO YOU DIDN'T JUST TELL THIS WOMAN THIS... YOU insensitive FREAK?! But I can't say that out loud? But this morning... I just sat there and continued to watch and listen... but... I began to feel real anxious... I could feel my heart pounding although I was just being still. Anger was taking over, but why? Because I've BEEN THERE WEIGHED THAT, BEEN TOLD THAT, BEEN MADE TO FEEL LIKE SH_T, BEEN JUDGED... the same way this woman was!
I watched this "5'4"ish" size 4 female trainer, tanned, wearing the typical form fitting spandex sports tank having what appeared to be washboard abs underneath, biker shorts and the most toned legs [picture perfect quads and hamstrings] long and cut biceps and triceps, her makeup was perfect (who the hell wears makeup while working out... and it wasn't just television applied make-up... TRUST!!! ooh... did I just have a tourette's moment?) and she had the cleanest sneakers I have ever seen?! She continued telling this 5'5" 325lb 27 year old female... (who has openly admitted... that shes been struggling with obesity since her early teens) how she really needed to REALIZE... that she needed to take responsibility for her health and fitness or she was going to die. ??????
Did this [trainer] really think she was helping this young lady... and did she believe she was telling her something she had never heard before or hasn't known or felt about herself for a while??? You FREAK... tourettes... sorry!!!
So after her long lecture... the scene moved to her training this young lady outside in the park... on a nice sunny day. There they were... trainer "barking" fitness "commands"... "Come on! Stop Being Lazy! You Can Do It! Try Harder, You Got Yourself Into This?!
You know the scene... she was... being the kind of trainer (Drill Sergeant type trainer) so many of us are accustomed to [and have come to expect to see and except] on THESE fitness and weight loss "reality" shows and at our neighboring GYMS. BUT... Unfortunately... those/these types of trainers ARE the reason why many people struggling with morbid obesity, lack THE motivation to become fit and healthy [although they WANT and NEED the help] do not seek it! I KNOW... because I've BEEN THERE WEIGHED THAT!!!
She had her walking up hills, attempting: squats, toe touching, push-ups... you know... "basic" calisthenics... which is a great and highly effective workout... BUT... she ALSO had this woman crying. This trainer attempted to... or so I thought that was her intent... to console her by asking her "...why she was crying?". When the young lady replied she was crying "... because she was tired and was hurting"... the trainer immediately asked "Are you tired and hurting physically or mentally". I thought to myself... GREAT QUESTION!!! But when the woman responded... "BOTH!!!"... the trainer said too bad... get over it... you got yourself into this... now I'm here to help you get out of it!
I dropped my head... slowly closed my eyes... and REFUSED... to allow myself to shed a tear. I got up... threw out my curry chicken meal... (this trainer owes me $10... lol) cut on my computer, typed instead of cried... and posted my first BLOG around 2am this morning. Once I get my $10 back for my curry chicken meal... I guess I need to thank this trainer...for being an insensitive and ineffective trainer. Oh.. I forgot to mention... that the woman gave up... and gained back the 20lbs she managed to loose the first 8 weeks of her "training". So what... it happens... I will tell you how many times I gave up during my fitness and health journey, in future Blogs... but for now I will tell you what makes this woman's story so profound, unforgettable, and unfortunately motivates me to be a spokeswoman... fitness and lifestyle coach for people who like her and/or have BEEN THERE WEIGHED THAT. It was her statement at the end of the show... when she acknowledged... and said... "Just having the will, desire and dream to loose weight wasn't enough, because she was always going to be seen as lazy until she became strong enough physically and mentally". Now I finally allowed my tears to flow.
A word of advice to those personal trainers who have NEVER... BEEN THERE OR WEIGHED THAT...
First... you're blessed... and lastly...
If you have NEVER... BEEN THERE... WEIGHED THAT... or have never CARRIED A HUNDRED+ pounds of EXTRA weight on damaged knees and ankles... and have ATTEMPTED to do "BASIC" middle school, Junior or High School gym class CALISTHENICS... and if you THINK... BELIEVE... that verbal abuse while "training" someone who is ALREADY depressed, has LOW self-esteem and FEELS and KNOWS they NEED and WANT to do better... IS the MOST EFFECTIVE method as a "trainer.".. you will never REACH... OR... HELP the many people who could benefit from your "Formal" personal training.
God Bless!
